


And I'll Always, Always, Come Home

by augustskies



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Ash and Eiji are going to Japan together idc what anyone says, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, I had A LOT of feels when I wrote this last night, I tried to make this poetic, M/M, Sad with a Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-03
Updated: 2018-12-03
Packaged: 2019-09-06 06:15:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16826827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/augustskies/pseuds/augustskies
Summary: An unexpected conversation at midnight between Ash and Eiji on Ash's eighteenth birthday, the night before they leave for Japan. The boys are alive and well, the same can not be said for the author.





	And I'll Always, Always, Come Home

**Author's Note:**

> The amazing line, " I was only worth what someone would pay for me, " is taken from Moulin Rouge.
> 
> Watch it.   
> Sometimes self care is ripping your heart to pieces and then stomping on those pieces, I guess. 
> 
> I also recommend reading this while listening to Freedom by BLUE ENCOUNT on repeat, because that's exactly what I did while I was writing. Fun fact : I must've listened to this song at least fifty times in succession by now. And I'm still going strong because it's currently the only thing supporting me as I wait for those last three damn episodes which are sure to kill me.   
> I want all four of the ops and eps to be played at my funeral.

Ash hadn't expected to make it to his eighteenth birthday.

But here he was, lying on his side in bed, staring at the electric clock which read _twelve minutes to midnight._

_Twelve minutes later, he would be eighteen_.

As he flopped onto his back, sneaking a sideways glance at Eiji's bed next to his, it felt even more surreal.

The other boy was slightly curled up ; face half illumined by the pale moonlight spilling in through the curtains.

" Ash ? "

Eiji's voice was soft.

If his heart missed a beat,

he tried not to notice.

" Go back to sleep, " he said instead.

So of course Eiji sat up, hair tousled and eyes bleary.

" You okay ? "

Ash sighed.

" Yeah, I guess. "

" I know our flight is in the afternoon, but, " Eiji paused midsentence to yawn.

" You should still get some sleep. "

He looked at Eiji,

at the moonlight bouncing off his eyelashes,

at the ridiculous checkered pyjamas with yellow ducks he insisted on wearing,

and once again felt that strange sensation in his chest.

" Did you... have a nightmare ? "

Ash sat up as well, crossing his legs.

He hadn't realized that Eiji had noticed.

All those nights he'd jerked awake violently, thrashing in tangled covers with hot tears spilling down his cheeks silently- he'd thought the whole world had been asleep.

For some reason, his throat tightened painfully.

Eiji swung his legs over the side of the bed.

Wordlessly, he extended his hand.

He stared at the smooth, unmarred fingers and remembered dreaming-

Dreaming of that pitch black world where the same hand had reached out towards him, and Ash had wanted _so badly_ to grasp that hand,

he'd put out his own,

dripping with blood,

only to close his fingers around air

as the dark haired boy shattered,

into a million irretrievable pieces,

fluttering like broken specks of sunlight,

in a sea of endless night.

" Ash, look at me. "

When he looked up, Eiji was frozen in the same spot,

hand suspended in midair,

_not touching,_

and Ash couldn't tell if he was dreaming or not.

He closed his hand around Eiji's.

" I won't let go, " the dream whispered.

" Unless you want me to. "

He tightened his grip just a little.

Eiji's hand was warm,

was soft,

and did not break.

" Happy Birthday, Ash. "

He looked up.

Eiji was liquid eyes,

quiet smile,

and sleep kissed angles.

He wanted to say,

_Don't look at me like that._

_Like what ?_

He could almost hear the teasing note in Eiji's answer.

_Like you'd come back for me,_

_if the world burned down,_

_maybe._

Ash didn't expect the words to come out,

but they slipped between his lips,

" I was only worth what someone would pay for me. "

and fell heavy between them.

For a moment, he expected to see sympathy shimmering in Eiji's eyes,

but no,

that was _sadness_ he saw,

and behind it,

_steel._

" You were worth Shorter's friendship and loyalty. "

The words came out with surprising fierceness.

" You were worth Skip's respect, and you're worth every single person who's ever fought at your side. You're worth Max treating you like family, and... me. If that means anything. "

He could feel his chest cracking slightly.

" Yeah, " he said.

" That does mean something, Eiji. "

More than nightmares,

more than dreams,

and more than the worst memories.

Ash had never thought he would make it to his eighteenth birthday.

He would make it another year.

He would fight, if it meant _this_ -

_Holding hands with someone who anchored him,_

_but never tied him down._

_Being able to make fun of his terrible sandwiches_.

_Boarding an airplane to Tokyo in a few hours._

_Seeing him soar through the sky again like he was born to have wings._

_I'll be waiting for you,_

_forever._

_And I'll always,_

_always,_

_come home._

**Author's Note:**

> Guys, I'm sobbing, okay.   
> I'm in exactly as much pain as you are right now. 
> 
> I wrote this because I wanted to cheer myself up with some outrageous fluff. And of course, being the stupid person I am, my brain went ahead and decided that it was okay to write this instead. 
> 
> I'm fairly new to both the bf fandom and the anime fandom in general, but Aslan Jade Callenreese and Eiji Okumura mean the fucking world to me and I guess this is my coping mechanism, because, y'know. We're nearing endgame territory and the feelings™ are coming at me like a full speed train while I'm superglued to the tracks. 
> 
> I really, really didn't know what I was getting into when I started this series last week. 
> 
> I'm getting ready to kiss my jolly Christmas season goodbye as we all wait for the next three Thursdays to roll around. 
> 
> That being said, I do hope I did our lovely boys justice with this drabble ! Writing for a new fandom the first time is never easy, and I tried, I really did. 
> 
> Leave me a comment telling me what you think (either of this fic or just bf in general, really) if you want. Please do, actually. I could honestly do with some emotional support right now. Or, find me on tumblr @emmqcqrstairs and we can clutch each other as we create a new ocean together with our combined tears.


End file.
